Episode Number 47 - 03.04.11

Midlife What?

You HAVE to buy one of these?

Fill in the blank: Midlife _________.

My guess is, you didn’t choose “party” or “extravaganza.” Nope, you probably chose “crisis.”Freud suggested the crisis sprung from a fear of death. Hmmm … makes sense.  Maybe that’s why we’ve almost been taught to expect a crisis at midlife.  And its a personal thing. We all have our own.  Today we look at midlife and whether a crisis should be a forgone conclusion.

Here’s more info from Dr. David Almeida, now with University of Arizona at Tuscon, and The John D. & Catherine T. MacArthur foundation.

28 Responses to “Midlife What?”

  1. Noemy Clayborn March 4, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    Not in crisis mode (but feeling the failed aspiration on the job). Help a sista out! Let me guess … tune in next week?

    • Kerri Eggert March 4, 2011 at 2:31 pm #

      For some people, mid-life crisis is how they have lived their whole life; wanting to look good for everyone around them; always having the best, newest whatever. I would hope that by mid-life, one might grow out of it.

      Me, personally? I guess I AM having a mid-life crisis. Divorced after 24 years, raising 2 young boys alone, working, and looking very old. Well, I guess looking my age — 49. I’m more than half way through my life, starting over from scratch. My worry is being around to get my kids through school/college. To help them grow in their relationships with God. To see them get jobs, find the love of their lives. Become independent. For me to retire, someday. As Jerry Reed would sing . . . . I gotta a long way to go and a short time to get there. I’m gonna do what they say can’t be done!!

      I’m thankful to have a God to see me through! He gives me hope and strength to go on1

      I’m looking forward to next week!

      • Noemy Clayborn March 4, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

        Kerri, You are more than a conquerer! Know that you are not alone. Where you can’t He will!

        Doug, next week??? Come on man! I need a nibble now :)

        • Doug March 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm #

          Gotta have something to look forward to, Noemy … sorry!

      • Doug March 4, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

        Hi Kerry … thanks for chiming in. Don’t think we’ve ever had a Jerry Reed reference. It’s a first.

        You’ve got a lot on your plate, that’s for sure. We have some stuff to help next week … but your faith is huge. Thanks for sharing.

        Curious though … what additional stress comes along with the idea of “retirement?”

        • Kerri Eggert March 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm #

          Retirment worry; not enough money. I fear I’ll be working til the day I die. I just I need to start thinking about doing something I really enjoy if I’m going to do it for the rest of my life! Hmmm. I just don’t know. :-)

          • Doug March 7, 2011 at 2:12 pm #

            Hey Kerri … if it helps at all, you’re not alone on the money front. I read an article this morning that said people between the ages of 60-62 have less than 25% of what it would take to maintain their standard of living in retirement. Your comment about finding something you truly enjoy is right on. In my interview with Curt Coffman posted back on Jan 24th (Retire. Really?), he shared that research shows we “retire” from our worst work experience. You may be in a bad scenario right now, which makes retirement seem all the more attractive. The challenge is, studies show that health & happiness aren’t a given if you retire.
            If you’re doing things you care nothing about, or working for/with unprofessional, uncaring people, then that’s a real challenge. But work, per se, is not the enemy. Working at something you love til the day you die is probably closer to the ideal … I know it inspires me when I hear those stories. Hopefully some of the stuff we’ll share this week will help. If you haven’t already, go back and watch the talk by Randy Komisar (Finding Your Passion) which was way back in November. Here’s the link: http://www.2ndhalflounge.com/?s=komisar&submit.x=0&submit.y=0&submit=Submit I’d be interested in your thoughts. Thanks for being part of the Lounge Kerri!

      • Doris Moton-Spruill April 9, 2011 at 9:53 am #

        Proverbs 3:5-6 – Romans 8:28 God will never forsake you nor will He ever leave you…only believe. Iam praying for you and believing God with you. Keri, remember be very watchful in your speaking your words have life…or death. What are you speaking?

        • Kerri Eggert April 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm #

          Doris, what do you mean by that?

          • Doris Moton-Spruill April 11, 2011 at 2:51 pm #

            What do I mean by what?

        • Kerri Eggert April 11, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

          On April 9th were you talking to me when you wrote – Keri, remember be very watchful in your speaking your words have life…or death. What are you speaking?

          • Doris Moton-Spruill April 11, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

            Yes, I was responding to your March 4, 2011 at 2:31 pm post, I was saying no matter what speak life, words of life, not fear and worry or doubt. I was trying to encourage you with the word of God.

          • Kerri Eggert April 11, 2011 at 3:20 pm #

            And I really appreciate it. :-) I just didn’t quite get it. It came very timely for me. Even though I didn’t quite get it, I did watch my mouth which on several occasions has gotten me in deeper than I like. Thank you.

    • Doug March 4, 2011 at 2:48 pm #

      Noemy! You are correct … we got something for you next week!

    • Daniel McComas March 30, 2011 at 1:17 am #

      Hi Ms. Noemy, first off, never allow yourself to accept the belief that, how you appear to be doing on your job, says anything about how valuable, you are. Only one knows your true value. God. And no, it doesn’t matter if you believe, that you are a spiritual person. God, the Ultimate being, has Willed, that you only deserve to be loved, and with the Ultimate, perfect love. And I have to ask you, what could it possibly matter, what truly insane judgements, anyone in this world, makes of you. And, what do any of their judgements, mean about you. Nothing, nothing whatsoever. Someone only judges another, because they believe, they can project, the fear, that they are guilty, of something, onto someone else. So, any judgement anyone makes of anyone else, is merely a judgement of theirself.
      Now, forget about others’ judgements of you. What does it mean to be a success? Now, I’m weell aware, of all of the insane nonsense, this world wants us to believe it means, but what does it truly mean, to succeed in life.
      I believe very strongly, that it means, to be happy with oneself. And that is all. So, now we come to, a very important question. What will make you happy? And again, I know everything, this world will try to convince you, will make you happy. And it will always entail, buying this or that, and feeling that you possess this or that. But I give you my holiest word precious. Never, never will anything this world, claims it can give you, make you happy. And again, please trust me, for this is my holiest word. Happiness is only found, in the one place, so few of us ever seek it; within. Yes, ma’am. And I know, that you don’t want to allow yourself to believe that. But it is truth. God gave you an infinite supply of peace, joy and love; and it is forever within you. I can only ask, that you perhaps spend 10-15 minutes, twice a day; first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening, before going to sleep; simply closing your eyes to this world, and thinking to yourself, “peace be to my mind, may all my thoughts be still.” You will come to see, that you are filled with something, no one, probably ever told you about. Strength and power, to overcome anything this world throws at you. And trust me precious, I have practiced meditation, and yes, that’s all this is; but I have practiced it, since I was 15. And, I can tell you, that I am the happiest person I have ever met. The happiest, most joyous, confident, and loving. And, it is all because of the power to do and be as I will, that I have found within me.
      And pardon me, but there is one more thing. Thinking back on what this wold, has tried to fool you into believing, will make you happy. I’m fairly certain that no one ever told ytou this. This is a divine law of God. It cannot ever be changed or stopped, in any way. What you give away, you receive. Yes, I know, this world certainly doesn’t mirror that. But it is truth, my dear. If you would be happy, make others happy. And that can be done in any number of ways. Simply smile at others. Say good morning, and actually mean it. Wish others a blessed day. Simple acts of kindness go further, than we ever imagined, lovely. I promise you. And, if you would have peace, help others find peace. If you would have love, love others.
      This is truth, precious.
      peace, joy and love are you natural birthright, accept them.
      Danielito

      And even medical science is beginning to come around. On topics that used to be mystical. Such as meditation. If you are interested, in finding out a little more, about the benefits of meditation. And, again, trust me, but if you are not familiar with the practice, then you most likely have no idea, how many wonderful benefits there are. greatly improved health, easily breaking, bad habits, reduced blood pressure, and releasing harmful, ‘bad’ beliefs about yourself, that only lead you to experience, pain and disapointment, and yes, precious, even self-healing. I would highly recommend going to the website, for the Silva Medthod. They have helped a great deal of research be done on meditation. And I find, that anyone, not well associated with it, can learn greatly from there method. I hope that I have sparked your interest precious. please learn more, you will be very happy you did.
      peace and love,
      Danielito

  2. Alan March 5, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

    Great stuff Doug. I’m forwarding this to a friend who was bemoaning the midlife over lunch the other day.

    • Doug March 5, 2011 at 9:00 pm #

      Thanks for your note, Alan. I hope it helps your friend. More to come on Midlife Crisis next week.

  3. Fran March 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    Im enjoying the closed door Doug…enjoyed the deep voice of Dante too:) Interesting that ive been contemplating this exact question lately, “am i in my midlife?” As my 45th bday sneaks up i gotta say ok ok yes i am. Im ok with that, but i have to agree with the stats on what really constitutes me feeling in “crisis” about that fact. As kerry mentioned, alot of life events including loss of job, divorce, etc play a huge hand in my battle to maintain a healthy, happy attitude tward life, my kids, my friends…myself!!!! More than the age thing, these things tend to define how we’re dealing with, well, stuff! Cant wait for more info!!!

    • Doug March 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

      Glad the closed door suits you. The voice was a stretch, but that picture was so darned dark … had to do something. I think the discussion this week will help. Thanks for being a part of the Lounge!

  4. sandra mckenna April 25, 2011 at 6:13 pm #

    MidLife _________ “Road Trip”

    We’ve turned our crisis into a Road Trip and now we’re living out our Bucket List!! It’s our therapy for a MidLife Crisis!

    • Doug April 25, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

      That’s so cool Sandra. Can’t wait to hear about the results of your “therapy.” Keep going!

  5. Marla Miller April 28, 2011 at 3:18 pm #

    Hi Doug,
    I made contact last week re: my vlog launching soon-I enjoyed this video but have to add this: While life crises can hit at every age, growing older compounds the stress when crisis does hit. For example, money problems in youth are perceived quite differently in midlife & beyond when you know you don’t have 20 years of job creation/development to depend on. Same is true for health issues. So while I agree that crisis hits us all at every age, growing older compounds the stress. What we can learn from this-and pass on-is that we really don’t have forever to do what we want to do and become what we want to become. We can do lots but appreciating that the time line shortens to get it all done is just a good reality check. Embracing this natural fact is the gift of aging-wisdom.
    Great site Doug, thanks
    Marla

    • Doris Moton-Spruill April 28, 2011 at 3:55 pm #

      Hi Marla, enjoyed your post. I just thank God that I am living the best time of my 59 years on this earth now. I’m not concerned with not having forever to do what I want to do because I only do what I want and have a passion to do everyday. My life is no longer bogged down with “life’s stuff” so this make a day in my life really incredable! I do understand that I am not the norm. The natural fact that I’d like to pass on is that you can heal your life of stresses at any stage so that you can live and not be concerned with forever just today.

      Doris AKA (living my life like it’s Golden)

      • Doug April 28, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

        Thanks for your comment Doris! Would be interested to hear more about your reaction to crisis-induced stress.

    • Doug April 28, 2011 at 6:42 pm #

      Hi Marla,
      Thanks for watching. Thanks for taking the time to share. And thanks for your kind words! Do you see ways in which 2nd-halfers are mitigating stress in the midst of crisis?

    • Doug April 28, 2011 at 6:42 pm #

      P.S. Looking forward to your vlog launch!

  6. Marla Miller April 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm #

    doris
    i hear you-feel much the same way-but age does matter-i work with peeps who’ve got real issues that are more real due to age, ageism, health factors, etc—
    i love the honesty getting older gives me–my ‘give a shit’ factor is much lower and i dig that! i call it wisdom…:)

    • Doris Moton-Spruill April 28, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

      True That! Thanks for sharing! Have a wonderful day!: )

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